The Spiritual Battle

When we finally decided 'let's do this!', I knew it would come. The opposition from the enemy and the spiritual battle that would ensue. I was a little surprised that it started so quickly. Within hours of the decision the overwhelming emotional load started piling up. I got a book in the mail that I had ordered, and while reading it for informational purposes, it filled me with irrational doubt about my abilities (much like the "What to expect when you're expecting" book filled me with doubt that anyone could have a successful pregnancy).  The whole weekend was a blur. The house was a mess, and every time I started working in one area, something would come up. Several friends had crisis' situations with relationships, kids in the hospital, etc. My mom was in the hospital recovering from neck surgery when she was diagnosed with life threatening blood clots in her lungs. I was incredibly busy, and needed about 6 clones in order to get everything done (still do!). The livestock need things, the house is still a disaster, I have work I *need* to do, fund raising I *want* to do, cleaning and decluttering I *must* do. I was exhausted. One thing or another had woken me up early in some shocking manner (phone calls, smoke detectors, etc) for several days straight. It's enough to make someone's head explode.

As I drove my 3 youngest children to the pharmacy to pick up head lice treatment (seriously!? now?) I found myself wondering if I was going to be able to do this. If adding another child, one with special needs no less, was the right thing to do. Almost as soon as that thought came to my head I also realized that *that* is exactly the enemy's purpose of all of this. To make me doubt not only our abilities as loving capable parents but our God's ability to strengthen us through all of the trials that would come. (1 Peter 5:8 "Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.") In all of this I never wavered in my commitment to the child that God has placed before us. So I pulled myself up by my boot straps when I got home, and turned on the Praise & Worship music full blast through the house (and cried in the emotion of it all). I consulted my RR friends and found their experiences to be the same as mine. It makes me that much more sure that this is exactly what we need to be doing. God has big plans for all of this! (Phillipians 4:13 "I can do all things through Him (Christ) who gives me strength")

Did I mention our Suburban won't start this morning? I actually laughed and shook my head. I had planned to go to a pancake breakfast fundraiser this morning for a family that lost their house in a fire. Guess we will be staying home!

So on a more inspiring note, here is the new Audio Adrenaline song for the Hands and Feet Project in Haiti. I *LOVE* it. It's called Kings & Queens. Enjoy.

PS. All of the friends that had crisis situations are doing well now (relationship issue, 3 yr old that took some medications, and a 7 month old that had kidney surgery), and my mom is stable and should be moving out of the ICU in the next day or so. Praise God!